Monday, December 16, 2013

Fuck "Foodies" and their Siracha....

So I discovered another herd of  English speaking walking skin bags of blood, bone, organs, and fecal matter that share their drama in the freak show that we call 'Murica.  This siracha soaked jizz stain of humanity that takes bride in discovering the one restaurant in their municipality that has concocted the perfect marinade to make an ox's asshole palatable along with the proper wine matching while jerking off to life advice from Guy Fiere call themselves "Foodies". Just think hippies minus the pussy ass vegetarianism and bad hygiene where their preferred Viatnamese themed hot sauce that for all we know could be based on what Vietnam's people thought that Ho Chi Minh's semen was made of is mentioned every 15 seconds. It's just another stupid train of thought that justifies the existence of such things retarded primate endeavors as Toyota Priuses and Megan Fox's acting career.

Now don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of food because I kind of need it to survive. It's what gives me the energy to do shit such as walking, talking, thinking, breathing, working out, and of course shitting out what doesn't get converted for my metabolic needs. I am also glad that there are chefs out there that are looking to expand their horizons to come up with creative dishes and combine food items that were unimaginable prior. Any form of food production is an art. Some make cuisines that is worthy of Picasso while others make pink paste from emulsified chicken parts that you wouldn't exactly consider edible, bread it, and serve it at your nearest McDonalds. In a similar way that those who make art with paint, words, math, or any other tool, cooking has it's own elitist minded bandwagon. Honestly, they are on par as far being annoying goes as hipsters.

In reality what makes them annoying is in the way they think and act like they are exceptional. Think about it. This is a group of people that think they are special merely due to the fact that they think they have a special taste in culinary cuisine in the cool and edgy sense. They think they are special because they like food. At least hipsters have their general attire standing out for the purposes of distinction. Foodies one the other hand have no other distinction than using the word "Foodie" which sounds like some clichéd pick up line that Anthony Bourdain would use on an 18 year old in Amsterdam that barely understood English. I can make a list of foods that I like which would classify me as a "Foodie" but unlike these dimwitted cum quotients I don't live my life through labels. I have eaten some very extravagant things such as a pigs eyeballs but that doesn't make special; it just means that I am curious and open minded. That's all foodies are but labeling it totally contradicts themselves because they give into a herd mentality with it.

I mean yes, bacon goes great with everything. Also it does suck that the California legal system is fucking over the Huy Fong Foods company, owned by David Tran (I doubt you "Foodies" knew that shit) on a basis that seems to have no plausible legitimacy and is just more proof of how much the rule of law only applies in our country when their is a profit to be had. Hopefully the issue will get resolved for logic sake but at the same time it's not exactly the Tuskegee Experiment they are performing either. I'm sure in reality it's just the State of California trying to hustle him for money at the behest of lobbyists since they probably feel that hot sauce should only be a gimmick of Mexico. Bear in mind this is the same state where the eugenics movement started. The last thing they want is some guy that they probably refer to as a gook behind close doors while smoking cigars and laughing about the last stripper they were snorting a line off of.

Foodies don't care about that shit though. They just care about their fucking sauce and food truck that's opening near their favorite Starbucks. They don't give a shit about injustice. Just like hippies and hipsters the only they give a fuck about is "Having a Nice Day" and "Nicer world" which sounds quite altruistic until you realize what they consider nice is when things are on their terms which is quite bigoted. Go ahead and scream fascist if you want but the last time I checked expecting reality to conform to your desires is what the Nazi's did. So in closing here's my salute to the bigots that claim to like food in an exceptional manner as opposed to myself.

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