Thursday, June 26, 2014

Honest Craigslist Sex Ads

Anyone that knows me knows that I like using the Internet for getting laid among other pursuits that involve my heads; big and little. The overwhelming majority of my sex life can be attributed to the electronic web. The rest can be attributed to bars, night clubs, college parties, and Brazilian jiu-jitsu lessons. I started with online fucking, or online dating for you politically correct HPV fearing individuals, way back before the days of Tinder, FetLife, or BangWithFriends. Around 2005 to be exact. This was when Facebook was just starting to become popular as well as Myspace. If you wanted sex with no strings attached via the web your best bet was Yahoo Instant Messenger. Then the spammers started showing up and it basically became a spot to get a virus; computer ones along with herpes. Then craigslist came along and that's when my sex life really started taking off. I could probably write a book just on how to get laid via craigslist but honestly I am starting to get annoyed with CL; that's craigslist for those that still don't still think the internet is something your school lunch teacher used to wear while talking about the latest episode of the Andy Griffith show.

The drawback with Craigslist along with anything else involving human beings is that their is a lot of bullshit. People might be honest about wanting to get their rocks off but that's pretty much all you can conclude with any amount of certainty. How they go about satisfying those intentions is when all the drama starts. One second you think you are flirting with a 10, get a picture of a 10, and then they meet you out at Applebee's looking like they ate that 10 along three others along with picking up a chain smoking habit. It comes with the territory. You take the good with the fat rolls and cigarette burns. Sex might be easy to come by on on the internet but honesty is a luxury just like in any other facet of life. Our country isn't great because it's honest, our country is great because it gets what it wants. For the sake of fantasy let's make believe we do live in an honest society and that everyone that was looking for sex online could pass a polygraph about who they really are. Here'e what some ads on the casual encounter's section of craigslist would look like:

GUN POWDER AND LEAD (22F Suburbia, somewhere near Florida)

Hi. I love tattoos and have my right arm covered in one. I have a black girl ass but I'm not into black guys because my parents would never talk to me again but for sake of political correctness I'll call it a preference. I'm great at sucking dick but lousy at choosing boyfriends. For fun, besides giving blow jobs and being used by frat boys, I like to go to karaoke and sing about going home to load my shot gun, sitting on the porch, and lighting a cigarette. Email me for a pic and if you aren't a minority then let's meet up for a few drinks at a dive bar with bras on the ceilings.


I'm a 6'4" Black dude which is why white bitches sleep with me. They are all fat and usually have self esteem issues. So if you come from an abusive household and spend most of your free time at Spencer's then get up with me so that I can do my best Tucker Max impression since I wish that I could be a rich like a frat boy even though Tucker Max never was a frat boy. Being black I do have a 9" cock and I sort of know how to use with all of the experience that I brag about to all of my buddies even though I will tell you that I do no such thing. If I think that you are really cool I will offer to fist your asshole with Crisco. If you ever want to see me act like an Uncle Tom with PMS then just kick me to the curb since I hate getting a dose of my own medicine due to innate self esteem issue of my own as well confusion about my sexual orientation. Send me a text and I'll send a pic of my mandingo cock.


I'm looking for a safe jump off. If you are too white for hip hop then I am looking to fuck with a condom since I don't want to risk giving my husband HPV because BET doesn't teach that everyone has it. I'm a black girl with curves in all the right places. I want my pussy to be eaten like it's owed reparations and I love being fucked from the doggy position. I;m not into any of that hair pulling shit because this weave is not cheap. Rip it out and I'll kick your ass till you say that you name is Toby. Obviously I can't host but am down for fucking in my car behind the nearest Wal-Mart.


I am currently posting as the female in a couple that doesn't exist since I am a guy that likes cock. The naked pictures of the chick you see on here were copy and pasted since I know how you straight guys love to fuck attractive women but I'm hoping that deep, deep down you are bi-curious. Please give me a chance? I can give head in a dark room discretely so that you can make believe that is Beyonce's mouth the entire time but I do hope that you will be yearning for my tight, warm asshole. If you don't want to then just tell me that I;m being a fag since I love being treated like a sissy little bitch.

These are just a few that pop in my mind but I'm sure there a plenty of other kinky, miscreants that are waiting to have an add answered by lil' ole ginger me and I will for the sake of comedic material. Who knows? Maybe I'll get to break a tranny's heart while it cries it's eyes out to "It's Raining Men."

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