Friday, January 17, 2014

The Paleo Workout

Everyone talks about the Paleo Diet but no one talks about the Paleo Workout so here it is, The Paleo Workout:

1. Move to Africa or just into a heavily wooded area minus any clothing whatsoever or any belongings for that matter. No IPhone, No Toothpaste, no laptop, no tablet, no red bull, and most importantly; no Starbucks. This is about proper form.

2. Find shelter. You ain't going to be able to shed those pounds if you die from hypothermia.

3. Build a fire. I can tell you how to build one but since you want to live like a caveman and be faithful to the lifestyle then that means figuring it the fuck out.

4. Look for lots of bugs. They are easy protein and will keep you going in times near starvation.

5. Walk around the woods when the weather is bearable and look for big game.

A. If you find big game and don't have a sharp stick: RUN FOR YO MUTHAFUCKIN LIFE!!!! This will help to get your cardio in and as we all know sprints are effective cardio.

B. If you find big game with a stick: Chase that son of a bitch down and stab it to death with that big stick. This will work both your aerobic and anaerobic conditioning not to mention having plenty of protein for the week. You will also need to find a source of salt to preserve what you don't eat so that protein can last you for a few weeks.

Repeat these steps for the rest of your life and avoid all signs of civilization and cell phone towers. This way you will be able to fully enjoy the Paleo lifestyle.

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