Pet Peeves

Pet Peeves

We live in a world where everyone has their sensitivities and buttons that when pushed shove all logic out of the window. Some look for these buttons to be pushed just to stroke their ego in conflict and drama while others happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time with every intention to walk away but once those buttons are pushed all thought of retreat vanishes. These are commonly known as pet peeves and are the catalyst for all conflict. Personally I am very egocentric in nature and what most would call a psychopath and being so conflict has different meaning to me. Where most eventually reach a self instilled mental terminus at which they seek compromise to alleviate any conflict. On the other hand once I am in conflict I don't stop until the other side backs down, is terminated, or they terminate me. I am the type of being that relishes in conflict and chaos. It's my narcotic that allows me to put one foot in front of the other. It is my foil, my struggle, and my pursuit.

 

With the advent of social media my addiction has reached new limits as I can now find conflict without even having step away from my laptop. It has become my new videogame with my preferred platforms being Facebook and Twitter. I would say Myspace but just like the old 8 bit Nintendo everyone has fond memories but nobody plays that shit anymore. Instead of having to shoot the digitized versions of some Arab that wants to blow the head of some Marine for Allah or some Marine blowing their head off for Uncle Sam or any other reason we indoctrinate adolescents into the intricacies of urban warfare that is being played some pimply faced 12 year old in Kansas stuffing his over inflated gut with Doritos I decide to go straight for the throat of the sensitivities of those that will more than like make that 12 year old turn emo by the age of 17 and go the David Carridine route minus the masturbation. I get enjoyment at fucking with people's heads and just anyone's heads. I go after the proverbial "big boys" and "big girls" that have an artificially inflated sense of status. These people all have pet peeves which are their buttons which push with enthusiasm for the sole purpose of my enjoyment. Now before I go on about this I feel it is only fair to list my pet peeves so rest assured if any of these pertain to you then you are more than likely someone whom I would seek have some fun with; at your expense:

 

 

My pet peeves:

 

-guys that wear polo shirts

-guys that sell polo shirts

-guys that brag about polo shirts

-guys that get polo tattoos

-guys that buy their girlfriends polo shirts

-girls that wear polo shirts that their boyfriend that wears polo shirts bought them

-anything that involves Polo or just Polo Ralph Lauren in general

-guys having a mid life crisis

-guys acting like they are having a mid life crisis

-guys that are having a mid life crisis that pop their collars that wear sneakers

-guys that are having a mid life crisis that buys their wife whom is also having a mid life crisis enough silicone that can officially labeled as a life preserver if their ship sinks on a cruise to the Bahamas

-Hipsters

-Hipsters that are proud of being Hipsters

-Hipsters that don't want to be cool in the sense of conformity even though being a hipster is the very definition of conformity

-nosy neighbors

-nosy neighbors that get defensive when being questioned about their nosiness

-guys that say "bro"

-guys that call me "brother" that didn't also come out of my mom's meat box

-people that are in the Tea Party

-gay guys that hit on me, especially when asking whether or not I am gay or straight first

-people that are judgmental

-people that jump to conclusions

-people that can only have one sided conversations because they never shut the fuck up

-people that go to public places in a herd

-people that discount the theory of evolution yet believe some socialist hippie became a zombie

-people that knock on your door that ask you if have found anything that doesn't involve money or your dog

-having an ideology

-being a feminist

-being a lesbian

-being a member of PETA

-being a gun nut

-saying the n word (black, white, or whatever)

-being offended by the n word (black, white, or whatever)

-acting like you aren't rascist when you really are rascist

-being religious

-being atheist

-being a republican

-being a democrat

-voting

-doing steroids

-caring about other people doing steroids

-loving Obama

-hating Obama

-claiming Obama is our savior

-claiming Obama is the anti Christ

-claiming Obama is a Unicorn that farts Obamacare flavored Skittles

-Proud Jews

-Proud Palestinians

-Proud Irish people

-Proud Italians

-Proud Germans

-Proud 'Muricans

-People that watch Nascar

-Proud Black People

-Proud White people

-Proud Mexicans

-Proud Brazilians

-Proud anything that you haven't earned through some sort of struggle

-Jarheads

-Meatheads

-Gearheads

-people that are college educated

-Christians

-Islamists

-Baptists

-Episcopalians

-Mormons

-Thugs

-Doo Wops

-Chickheads

-Triflin ass doo wop chicken heads

-Uncle Toms

-people that make excuses

-people that make excuses for people that makes excuses

-people that gossip without any evidence to back it up

-woman that claim equality while still wanting special treatment

-Guidos

-Guidettes

-guys that wear tap out shirts

-guys that wear affliction shirts

-guys that wear Muscle Pharm shirts

-vegetarians

-vegans

-fat people

-comedians that steal jokes

-plagiarism

-plagiarists that get famous (i.e. Martin Luther King)

-people that get offended

-hitting women

-women that complain about getting hit even after they ask for it constantly

-people that mistreat animals

-women that just lay their then complain about you can get them off

-woman that don't give head

-women that refuse to do anal

-women that refuse to go on birth control

-guys that skip on child support

-women that have kids for the sole purpose of collecting child support
-being a grammar Nazi
-supporting the drug war
-supporting the war on terror
-being a cop
-wearing yoga pants and having a muffin top
-having a belief in anything but yourself
-having small tits while acting like you have big ones
 -playing the race card
-playing lacrosse
-playing soccer
-playing any game with goalies that isn't hockey
 

 

 

 

 

That's a cliff notes version but you get the idea. There is a long, loooooooooong, list of thinks that hit my buttons. However just like those commercials for trash bags state, "Don't Get Mad, Get Glad." Where most get butt hurt I see this as opportunity to have some fun at their expense and boy do I. I get death threats, threats to kick my ass, threats to sue me, threats to be arrested, threats to have restraining orders placed against me etc. Why is that they get pissed off while I giggle like a school girl tripping on mushrooms after snorting an 8-Ball? It's one simple reason; I can give it as good as I can take it.

 

So what is the meaning of all of this. Having buttons and things you can be easily offended by will seriously cheapen your life and make you suffer. Besides not everyone can be a psychopath like myself and have fun like I do; it's only like 3% of the population really but then again if people learned to embrace the differences of each other then maybe people like myself wouldn't have anyone to have fun with and we might go cure cancer or something. Just a thought.