Confession of a Sadist

I've never been great at anything in my life but getting laid and hurting people. You have been through tragedy that I dont know and I have been through tragedy you haven't.

Everything I do is to escape the pain. I feel it every moment. When you are around I don't feel it. When I am playing with someone else I don't feel it. When I have money I dont feel it. When I act like an asshole I dont feel it. When I stroke my ego, drink, or get high I don't feel it. I don't feel it when I choke someone to sleep or bounce their head off the concrete with my fists. I don't feel it when I come up with a good joke.

All I feel is pain and everything I do is an attempt to numb it even if only for a few seconds. My life is pain and my currency is trauma. It's a cycle that won't stop and I want it to. I'm starting to think that's all there is.