Turning Churches into Gay/Bi/Swinger bars...

By Frank Waszut

I have lived in the Bible Belt for the overwhelming majority of my life and living in this environment has led to many of my secular views in regards to society and life in general. Religion is HUGE in the south (The Bible Belt, i.e. South Eastern United States) it is used primarily as crutch for crooked politicians, judges, and cops, to employ their secret cult society called the "Good Ole Boy" system which is basically like La Costra Nostra (The Sicilian Mafia whom also use religion as a crutch). The only difference being that instead of them being fat Sicilian psychopathic jerk offs that are the poster children for bad parenting and heart disease the "Good ole boys" are a bunch wanna-be Andy Griffith jerk offs with coke habits that look to keep their population living in fear with one of their primary weapons of manipulation being religion which in the South is primarily of a Protestant world view. Instead of having a God that is open about how insecure and pissed off like Sicilians do with their Catholicism "Good Ole Boys" have more friendlier God that is friendlier to you as log as you are a white Protestant or kiss a lot of white Protestant ass and give it money.

In the South this has led to an environment where the education system is about as sufficient as a nun instructing a class on the intricacies of blow jobs. South Carolina routinely ranks on the bottom rung of educational rankings in a country that has been on the bottom rung of worldwide education rankings. As a state South Carolina ranks as the least intelligent in a country full of idiots. Not only are they idiots but they are idiots with over inflated egos due to the stroking of a fascist society governed by centralized capital. Religion is a huge part of this egocentric stimulation that keeps people living their lives of illusory pedestals while in reality being nothing more than slaves to a system designed to keep them docile with the illusion of freedom of choice in what to believe. Not what to do, what to believe. That's what separates a democracy from a police state that is merely posing as one. Most feel that this is just the way things are and that they can't be changed. I disagree and I have an idea to change that if I ever get rich but for the sake of this article let's just say I do and I'm talking Rockefeller rich ( minus the whole Nazi eugenics program thing).

My Idea:

1. Buy up all church property

Now I know what you are saying, "Oh but Frank, A church would never sell their property; especially to narcissistic psychopath like yourself." You would think that, especially if you were the God fearing type but remember how I talked about being Rockefeller rich? What I mean by that is that when have that much money you basically for all intents and purposes run the government and it's properties. In other words the government is your property. Churches can go bankrupt and need a bail out too and if I had that kind of money I could easily have lobbyists pass through laws and amendments that would revoke a churches right to not have to pay taxes. Even if they didn't they still need money anyway; why do you think they pass around collection plates and preach about charity? You can plead some sentimental reason but you're wrong. Religion is a business just like anything else and a very lucrative since most people are gullible and want answers to questions that have no answer and no truth. Not an absolute one anyway.

If you are offended and angered by this then you are more than likely a victim of this Ponzi scheme and anger at the messenger is a natural response as a result of reality coming into conflict with cognitive dissonance and opitimism bias. I'm not saying there is no god or some other plane of experience; I'm just saying that I don't and no else does either. Anyone that does is either trying to fool themselves, you, or both. Believe it or not I do like humanity seeing as that it is the best I got. I want to help it free itself along with every individual that makes up the sum it. First it needs to be shocked, especially in the Bible Belt, and if I had the money of the Rockefeller I would have just the money to do it on.

2. Clear out all the religious bullshit

I would get rid of all the crosses, stained glass windows, and anything else that had any religious propaganda. Let's be honest; religion is quite boring, especially their stories of fiction and they only entertain those that are easily entertained which is why their world view doesn't grow beyond the Disney Channel which is great for religious leaders since it makes the job of scaring the shit out of their herds all the easier. Especially when facing their own mortality. In theory this seems like a great idea for controlling the masses except for the fact that the masses were never meant to be controlled. That's what nature is for; to weed out the weak and those that serve no purpose in the survival and liberty of the human species. The funny thing is that the ones that made society the way it is now would be the ones weeded out in a society that was based on the survival of the fittest. That's why so many are opposed to anarchy given that they would be the outcasts instead of the status quo. The funny thing is though once these people start imbibing alcohol the self conscious identity fades away and gives rise to their natural one where they act on their animalistic instincts. That's why the common denominator in most violent and stupid acts tends to be alcohol because most can't handle themselves responsibly in an intoxicated state.

With that said once all of the religious bullshit is cleared out the first thing coming would be alcohol along with bar stools and anything else that makes up the infrastructure of a local drinking establishment. Believe it or not there is precedent for something like this right here in Charleston with a bar called Mad River that is located on Market Street. Yes that's right; a church was turned into a bar in a town called the "Holy City" since it has laws in place that doesn't allow any building to be taller than the churches. You can turn a church into a bar though; that's Charleston for you. However the shock value of just turning a church into a bar is not nearly enough though. I mean they already serve alcohol in church in the form of red wine with communion so when you really think about it alcohol isn't exactly that blasphemous. It actually is still pretty much the same thing albeit more with more debauchery. My idea has way more shock value than that and it would be geared towards a certain clientele. A fun clientele. A clientele that scares the absolute shit out of these religious zealots and makes their parents send them to therapy to "cure" them.

3. The Clientele

Long story short this clientele would consist of those individuals society that are persecuted by a fascist Protestant society out of fear which leads to their conditioned prejudices. Of course I am talking by those that make up the lesbian, gay, bi, and transsexual community along with those in the swinging lifestyle. The funny thing is these people usually have to be pretty open minded, by default, and they always seem to have to be in the closet about their lifestyles even in a society that preaches life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for all people despite the fact that the promise is usually only reserved for those that are white Protestants or those that kiss their asses. It's freedom by conformity in reality which as those that of you that are smart enough can figure out makes no sense whatsoever.

Giving people that actually epitomize what freedom is all about, i.e. expressing your inner self to evolve, an establishment to do so in an establishment that was designed to suppress with their tools of suppression would be the ultimate irony and a way of flipping the perceptions of the citizens of our society on its head. Of course they are going to need an appropriate ambience.

4. The Atmosphere

This is my vision for what one of my drinking establishments would look like. As you walked in there would be bouncers wearing pink shirts and tight jeans checking ID's (and they would be paid generously since bouncers don't get paid enough in Charleston). Once they let you in would notices would be the almost gothic atmosphere that is the norm for any house of worship to something that we don't know even exists. There would be luminous glow of torches illuminating then entry way near the hostess stand, if you came in while the kitchen was still open, to seat you or you could just make your way to their bar where you would notice the non stop drag shows and the painting on the ceiling.

Oh yeah let me tell you about the painting on the ceiling. Ever heard of the one on the Sistine Chapel that that has an image of the heavily bearded God pointing at a bunch of humans like he is say, "Y'all are awesome"? Well it would be all over the walls but instead of that it would be an image of the heavily bearded God along with Jesus, Mohammed, and Allah all wearing gimp suits and performing various sex acts on each other with their facial expressions of pleasure displayed in extravagant detail. In the background one would notice Satan and the Fat Buddha laughing their asses while taking "Ass Milk" shots and lets be honest, everyone loves Fat Buddha. For those that are curious there would be ass milk shots available at the bar in the form of warm Bailey's because no matter how much pineapple juice that you drink it won't make one's semen taste as good as that.

Of course there would be strobe lights and disco balls to lighten the atmosphere because we would want the atmosphere to be naughty, not depressing. This would obviously piss off those that take life way too seriously and they would more than likely be highly offended by this which I am sure is making all of you reading this that lead alternative lifestyles grin from ear to ear. Not so fast, just because the goal is to shock the minds of the sheep doesn't mean that we want to offend them solely. In order to treat everyone equally and with that said I would name the bars, "AIDS Carrying Fags 'R' US". If you live an alternative lifestyle and get offended by that then you are missing the entire point.

The Point:

Our society became Fascist during the early twentieth century with the passing of the Federal Reserve Act which took our economy lasseiz-faire style of economy to a centralized one along with the institution of the General Education Board by John D. Rockefeller. This has led to society where free and open ideas which are frowned upon. It needs an overhaul and this would be one of many steps to rectify these mistakes. Either way it would be highly entertaining and I'm sure it would leave plenty of people scratching their heads which is good thing since when you one is scratching their head then they are more than likely thinking with it too and that's a step in the right direction.