College: The New Church

Dumb Cunts. Do you find that word offensive? Does it bring anger to your thoughts? Does it make you feel defensive when someone is bashing in your petty ignorance with reason and logic with which all you can muster is quotes from ancient fairy tale novels in your defense? Well guess what; there is hope for dumb cunts like yourself and it's called college and you might be just the material that you they looking for. First off you need to ask yourself some questions:

1. Are you the fearful type?

If your answer is yes: Perfect, Colleges need people like you that are afraid to ask questions and think critically for themselves. We will give you the answers that you want to hear and allow you to live in your blissfully ignorant bubble of cognitive dissonance while conforming you to a life of being a cog in the wheel of a capitalist society that frowns upon individuality and intellectual freedom. Plus we know that you will be more than willing to spend years laboring in a menial profession to pay back government sponsored loans with interest which will keep you in debt for decades after your graduation in society designed to keep you in debt.

2. Do you hate thinking for yourself?

If you answered yes: Sweet, that's awesome because we hate intellectual freedom which you have probably realized since grade school which is we there were such things as detention and suspension to give you a taste of what freedom and social exile is like. We want conformity without question and by blind faith. Yeah you might have the illusion of choice when it comes to your major but it will be a major with our desired goals in mind.

3. Are you athletic?

Great. Then you don't even have to worry about tuition or student loans because we'll make money off of you by just sticking you in front of a camera to show how awesome America's propaganda that pushes the ideology of eugenics. with the help of advertising by companies like Under Armour and Nike, is. Since Abraham Lincoln signed that document we have had to become more creative in how we enslave our people and this is how we do it with the athletic ones. If you are super athletic you might be able to climb the ladder still higher while to our tune and if not at least we can still make money off you while not having to pay you a cent but give you the illusion you are getting something in the form of a "free ride".

4. Are you smart?

If  you answered yes: Great, we will also inflate your ego with an academic scholarship because you might actually prove useful to us and if you do study what fields we deem necessary at first we will work with you and provide you tenure if you get a Ph. D to fund your studies while you teach it to other people that pay to figure out your ideas. College may actually pay off for you but it will be on our terms. You are definitely the type whose ass we will kiss if you kiss ours first. You can actually profit from this Ponzi scheme. We need you.


If you answered no to the first two and yes to one or both of the last two then we truly hope you will reconsider your stance since as of now money has a strangle hold on the economy and you must at least go along with the brain washing if not actually accepting it since that is how the ones who control the flow of money to our institutions wish it to be. You can try and make it on your own but just realize that society has been designed to work against people like you because they consider people like you a threat to their life of luxury and privilege. They control the police. They control the politicians. They control the media and they control the military. They realize that power is in numbers and the majority of those numbers are gullible.

If you answered yes to the first two and no to both of the last two then you can still pay for college as long as either you have the money to pay for tuition or qualify for financial aid and meet our qualifications then feel free to give us your money to be indoctrinated into fascist system that is capitalism. Your major may not lead to a job that justified your labor but at least you will be able to run your mouth about being a dumb cunt that graduated college. We'll even give you a paper to prove it.