Whenever we hear the word psychopath one conjures up some image of some sexually frustrated guy that lives in a basement of some whore house whom keeps embalmed corpses for him to Twitter his Google too while plotting how to slip cyanide into Justin Bieber's Diet Coke. The word conjures up the stuff of nightmares and images of some left wing extremist going Call of Duty on a kind Irish-American fellow from a book depository. Other acts of gun happy in Aurora, Colorado and Sandy Hook lend even more into this fear of socially awkward individuals whipping out sawn off shot guns the second that a Miley Cyrus song pops up on the PA system at your local grocery store. This train of thought keeps many psychopaths from being open about their dispositions for fear of persecution by society which in reality is what pushes many psychopaths over the edge and go Patrick Bateman on some proverbial Paul Allen. The truth of the matter is that psychopaths are all around you and many of them excel at jobs that help to protect everyday people from horrible outcomes. They are the real Avengers and hold such jobs as:
1. Firefighter
You walk by a house that is on fire and hear someone screaming inside; would your first thought be:
A. Oh my god, I better grab my trac-phone to call 911 so that the firefighters can get that person out.
B. I better run in there and get him before he dies of smoke inhalation and gets the extra crispy treatment.
"Should I knock or ring the doorbell?"
If you answered A. then you are more than likely normal, work a regular 9-5 job, show up to that desk job on time, and do all of your TPS reports like a good little boy or girl while more than likely being the God fearing type. If you answered B.) then congrats, you are more than likely a psychopath as you more than likely lack fear for your own well being but luckily had parents that gave you an idea of what right and wrong is. One of the key aspects of psychopathy is genuine fearlessness which comes in handy when part of the job description is "running into burning buildings".
You know that friendly red-haired fellow that works behind the desk of your local gym that is always making you laugh your ass off at the absurdity that is Stuart Scott ripping off Drake for the sake of making a regular season Miami Heat game against the Charlotte Bobcats way more important in the Eastern Conference standings that it really is? You know the nice one that couldn't have possibly known about that clause in your contract where if your Visa card gets lost that their will be no pity for that $30 decline fee even though you were a helpess victim in the whole matter? Well in reality he really did but also knew how to deliver it to in the most minimal form while emphasizing the awesomeness of buxom blondes wearing yoga pants that come in around 5pm knowing full well that you would get you to sign on the dotted line locking you into a year long contract where the owners of the gym have your bank account by the balls while you think you got an awesome deal that everyone else gets.
"Trust me, you won't regret this."
Another key trait of a psychopath is that they are superficially charming in order to manipulate you into commitments while not paying attention to the fine print. Also when it bites you in the ass they'll act like they are genuinely concerned when in reality the are just playing nice to keep that dinero coming in.
To anyone with a J.D., practiced law, or watched Law and Order this one should be obvious. For those that have a rose tinted perspective of lawyers, and if you do it might be wise to massage your dick in food processor for the benefit of the gene pool, you probably have never heard the saying, "there's a difference between moral and legal". That difference being morality tells kids that Santa Clause is real and legality would tell them that they are retarded and should plan on a job as a glory hole attendant in Thailand. This due to the fact that an essential part of is using a non-moral train of thought or creating a moral vacuum.
Now let's see. What type of person would gladly throw the concepts of morals in the an emotionless shop vac ruled by logic or would get a certain hall of fame running back off the hook for a murder rap in the face of overwhelming evidence based on race baiting and proclaiming "if it doesn't fit, you must acquit"? Oh yeah that's right:
"Sometimes a bloody glove is just a bloody glove"
Another trait of psychopathy is the lack of ability to act on or feel empathy like say for a certain blonde that was used as a practice dummy for someone's knife. Obviously the one working on his stabbing form is a psychopath but what about the one agreeing to defend him just foe economic sake?
Speaking of jobs that require a moral vacuum here's one you wouldn't expect but anyone that has performed open heart surgery can relate too. Here's the thing about emotions and morals; then have a tendency pushing someone to make mistakes. Now trial and error is fine if your are trying to hack some government website while getting ready to bust out your Guy Fawkes mask for your youtube channel but not so much when it means severing an artery. Keeping your emotions out of the equation allows one to focus on the task at hand of saving lives just like a firefighter. Of course it's kind of hard to sell that to someone looking to get on Medicaid.
"our doctors are will not acknowledge any emotion for you while playing Operation on you. Promise"
An emotional vacuum may lead someone to starve you in a well for a few weeks to make your skin much easier to turn into an evening gown while that someone tucks their junk in between their legs and twerks in front a mirror but it may also help them in saving your life when your arteries get clogged.
This was obviously given away a few occupations above but yes professional athletics is a job where it pays to be a psychopath. It's the difference between Michael Jordan and those that brag about owning Air Jordan's. The difference between Lebron James and Justin Bieber looking like an overly blinged tool next to Busta Rhymes in the front row. Michael Jordan was the ultimate competitor; he hated losing. He hated it more than cynics hate Candy Crush Saga. In his mind losing was the equivalent of playing 1 man 1 Pinecone covered in siracha sauce and glass shards. It's a testament to his legacy as one of the greatest athletes of all time. It's also an example of his intense narcissism which has been well documented through numerous first hand accounts of him by sports journalists. It's also a symptom of psychopathy. Luckily he chose basketball instead of contract killing or else we probably would all be all "Killed by Mike" instead of wanting to "Be Like Mike". You sick fucks.
You know that lowly chemistry teacher that goes on and on about how awesome thermite reactions and valence shells are. He goes on and on about the importance of Hess's law and Thermodynamics as well as how the universe is going towards greater points of entropy? Nice guy isn't he? It's such a shame about the lung cancer diagnosis huh? How's he going to afford treatment? Oh only by starting meth empire and killing the competition by such crafty means as dumping red phosphorus in hot water and trapping them in the RV on top of manipulating drug cartel vegetables into suicide bombings of Columbian nations bet setting of a bomb that's detonated with a bell on his wheel chair.
"I'm doing this for my family."
Now that is a fictional character so here's a real life one:
"Don't fuck wit me or I'll go mass-equivalent on yo ass; relatively speaking."
Yeah, Mr. Special Relativity was a psychopath in the same way that another psychopath of his time was and yes I am talking about one Adolf Hitler. However, the type of psychopathy they had went by a different name called Asperger's Syndrome which was changed from the term originally coined for it in the form of "autistic psychopathy". So what was the difference between the Holocaust and the 1921 Nobel Prize in Physics? Their adolescent years. Both had intellectual aspirations; Einstein veered towards science and mathematics and Hitler veered towards art and eventually architecture. What kept Hitler from being the next Picasso was the fact that his parents died while he was young which was highly traumatizing. The thing about people with Asperger's is that they are a lot like Pit Bulls in their temperament. If they are raised in a traumatic environment then they could become a Grand Champ in the local dog fighting circuit. If raised in a nurturing environment then they'll be sweeter than a Oreo factory drenched in honey, or bring about mathematics that makes that GPS work on your Smart Phone.
"and if you are really nice to me I might take care of that whole Grand Unified Theorem thing as well."
Traffic laws are annoying. Traffic Lights, stop signs, yield signs, speed limits, radar traps, etc make what should be a simple commute from point A to point B an adventure in a metallic/plastic box propelled by internal combustion (or electricity for all you Tesla owners out there) more of a non stop annoying reminder of why most people shouldn't be allowed behind the wheel in the first place. I'll be honest I drive like somewhat of a grandpa. I rarely exceed speed limits, obey all traffic lights no matter how often amber lights seem to be designed to go off at the exact moment I'm at the point of not being able to stop before an intersection, and I use my blinker to the point of absurdity. Saying I drive defensively would be like saying Fred Phelps is old fashioned. The reason I do so is due to:
1.
Almost looks an ad for Anonymous doesn't it? Then of course there is:
2.
I think I have seen something like this in the Walking Dead.
3.
Kim Chi anyone?
4.
Now that's what I call fucked in the head.
5.
Open casket and a jack o lantern possibly?
6.
He doesn't even need to squint to see the details.
Since I'm not one for sanctimonious bullshit I'll just cut to the chase and tell you what caused these photographed instances of vehicular fatality statistics; stupidity. Stupidity is the cause of all pre-mature death; especially car accidents. People do stupid things on the road ways and get turned into road lasagna; it's what keeps the oil industry rolling. Driving defensively helps to keep me rolling. It's the difference between driving by scenes like this or being scenes like this. That's not to say I am always smart behind the wheel. Actually for over 7 years I was quite stupid behind it. I was stupid behind it under one criteria that I basically had it down to a science and accomplished it in a city that basically makes it's income off of it. Of course I am talking driving under the influence; drunk driving. Long story short I use to drive drunk; a lot. Honestly, there were stretches where I would be driving home drunk more often than I did sober. I never got pulled over, never got arrested on suspicion of DUI, never hit anything besides a tree stump, and drew the ire of a few crotch rocket enthusiast when admitting to it during a debate about the stupidity that is motorcycles.
I was told many dubious things but the most entertaining to me was that, "I should walk off a pier and do the world a favor." You know you have hit a nerve when people start wishing suicide on you. Where they are wrong is in the fact that seppuku wouldn't do anyone a favor except for myself since I would be the only one that wouldn't have deal with their bitching and moaning about cops, politicians, and "Murica being taken over by the Chinese, Arabs, or whatever non-white people they are afraid of at the moment. Me yammering away about how drunk driving is awful only exacerbate a society that wants all the ammo and none of the accountability. In other words they want to live in a world where logic and reason are taboo while fantasy wins the day. It works for Hollywood but then again in the world of fiction things actually have to make sense in order to keep the audience's attention. Reality does anything but make sense just like how a narcissistic asshole like myself could get away with an act on the regular that would result in most people meeting the business end of an oak tree head first doing 60 or paying SR-22 insurance "if they are lucky" as most die-hard driver safety divas would put it. So I am going to do the world a favor now and share my tips on how to drive drunk and make it home safe if you have too much pride or too little cash to afford a cab and have no other way to make it home.
Disclaimer: This article does not advocate driving drunk anyway even though it is designed as guide for driving while under the influence of alcohol. Driving drunk is stupid. We all know that. Also it should be know that the majority of people of legal drinking age tend to do stupid shit like driving drunk. There is no stopping them and honestly the more you encourage them not to the more they tend to do it just to prove your wrong just like kids. This designed to hopefully keep some drunken idiot from turning a dumb decision into a tragic decision. My dumb decisions never turned into such atrocity which most would say is luck but as the adage goes, "luck equals skill plus opportunity".
1. Buckle your seatbelt.
This one may seem obvious but when you are hammered nothing seems obvious except having to take a piss. Take the time before calling that fat chick whom somehow now looks fuckable to buckle up. Actually if you are heading to her place for some hogging then you might want to make sure you have something to wrap it up with too since no one wants to be that guy who caught a pathogenic gift giver from that fat chick whom has been hooking up with the reformed heroine addict that has become a regular at your usual watering hole. On second thought I don't care how drunk you are; just drive home and don't fuck THAT fat chick.
2. Don't blast your radio.
Cops have ears and many cities now have noise ordinances which cops love to enforce because it gives them probable cause to pull you over and find all sorts of other ways to fuck your night up and the fact that you spent the better part of going back and forth between double Jacks on the rocks and PBR will more than likely make that desire much easier to attain. The golden rule is to not attract attention. Blasting your subs to 24 hour champagne diet is just begging for hand cuffs.
3. Avoid main roads and use side streets whenever possible.
Driving drunk should be looked upon as driving behind enemy lines since technically driving under the influence makes you the enemy of the "tax payers" whom pay the police to "protect and serve" while in reality it just pays for them to sit in their squad cars waiting for speeders while stuffing their fat faces with jelly filled fried bleach flour sacks while nagging with their other buddies in blue about the next physical evaluation on their radios. The majority of time they will do this on roads with higher traffic volumes because the law of probabilities can even be understood by those in a profession that only requires straight C's while banishing those that score too high on their entrance exams. In this case the law of probabilities says stupid people will take such roads because they offer the shortest duration of travel. That's why they always set up check points on main roads. It makes their job easier.
4. Do the speed limit.
Once again, another no brainer. Then again if you are getting behind the wheel of a car while intoxicated then you might not have much of a brain in the first place. The only thing that really kept mine functioning was non stop paranoia brought about the realization of what I was undertaking. Respect for an undertaking I find tends to delay the inevitable meeting of your corpse with an undertaker. In other wards if your blood alcohol content is potent enough to fuel and F-1 car then maybe driving like Mario Andretti would be a bad idea. Here's why:
A.) Alcohol slows down your reaction times. This means that curve that seems easy to navigate at 90mph would be like nailing to jello-o to a tree at 30mph.
B.) The most obvious sign that someone is under the influence, to a cop, is doing 30mph above the speed limit at three in the morning.
5. Don't swerve (you shouldn't even have to do this while sober).
On second thought this is the most obvious sign to 5-0 that you are have enough tequila on your breath to spit out Montezuma's revenge. What ever you do keep that car in a straight line. People tend to think that swerving is considered switching back and forth between lanes. In reality swerving is just not going into a straight line whether or not its in your lane or both lines like a four wheeled penguin. Any deviation is enough for those blue lights to come on and having a breathalyzer places in your mouth to make you look like a humanoid blowfish sucking on a tit. Unless of course...
6. Know your state's laws especially in regards to whether or not you have a choice in which test to consent too.
Now this one is tricky. First you have to be dumb enough to get behind the wheel after drinking enough to where getting pulled over would be an issue as far as whether you end the night in a bed or in a holding tank. Second it involves you ignoring my previous tidbits of advice which has led to you facing the prospect of a test of your sobriety in the first place. This automatically makes you dumber than myself because I never got pulled by a cop ever since even though I was breaking a law I never did anything to draw suspicion; obviously you did. However, this article is proof that I'm much more merciful than the justice system so let me explain a way to get out of this situation without spending a night in jail even if requested to take a test and that you are currently above the limit of .08.
So you have gotten pulled over and you have given the officer your license, registration, and proof of insurance. For some reason he suspects you have been drinking which is mostly likely due to his sense of smell and possibly due to the fact that he overheard you blasting a certain track by N.W.A. which he might not be fond of. He know starts requesting that if you would be willing to submit to a field sobriety test and hypothetically lets say you ace it but he still suspects you of driving being intoxicated above legal limits. He asks if you would be willing to submit to a breathalyzer. The common perception is you only have two options and only one outcome if you are over the limit in the form of:
Option A.) You refuse
The result: A trip to your local detention center and a suspension of your license.
Option B) You blow
The result: A trip to your local detention center and a suspension of your license.
Now you aren't drunk to the point that you did pass the field sobriety test but you are sure you are over the limit but not by much. The cop has offered for you to take a breathalyzer but has failed to inform you of other tests to confirm your blood alcohol content. You actually have two other options:
A.) A blood test
B.) A urine test
Out of these options only one is good if you hope to beat the charges which is the blood test. This is due to the fact that the cop has to take you to a facility that has the necessary equipment to administer a blood test, which is usually the nearest hospital. That means sitting in an emergency room possibly for hours on end waiting to get your blood tested. This buys time for your liver to pump that fermented naughtiness out of your system to get your BAC down to a legal level. If you're really hammered you might still be fucked but if you are not too far over the limit then it might keep you out of lock up.
With all this said driving drunk is a dumb idea but then again people still do it and if what I have written here keeps them from being more stupid behind the wheel then maybe they can make it home without running anyone over and having to pay SR-22 insurance. There's plenty of reason why not to do it but then again stupid tend to do stupid shit and this might make them aware enough to at least not do anything traumatic to anyone or themselves. Take this article as you will.
If you have been watching the news over the past few months on top of following the internet with their lovely little social mind fuck devices like Fakebook, Twatter, Instaglam, Cuntlist, Pricktrest, MyFace, etc then you might have picked up on a very peculiar trend. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN LOSING THEIR FUCKING MINDS. I have been myself. I went complete ape shit over an article by Alex Jones on his website about a possible false flag nuclear attack in the harbor of the town I live in, Charleston, South Carolina. After reading the article about Lindsey Graham claiming that a nuclear bomb could be detonated in the so called, "Holy City" I basically had flashes in my head of Jack Ryan surviving a helicopter crash due to an EMP from a nuclear blast from The Sum of All Fears. I rushed home and basically begged my family to pack up and leave town with me that night. What can I say? It struck a nerve and as cynical as I can be I still have a source of empathy that can be manipulated. All of my logic went out the window and I was considering what life would be like "off the grid".
I had images in my mind of huffing it out in the wild while using a combat knife to kill, skin, and eat Bambi's mom while I hit rocks together to start a fire in my manliest of man caves that would be decorated with the skulls of other beasts I had slain, all in alphabetical order based on their species, while seeing how long it would take before I inevitably resorted to bestiality on the cutest animals I could find to satiate my primal desires. I would live like Paul Bunyan while the world killed itself in nuclear fallout while the zombies feasted on the stragglers. Long story short I would be Daryl Dixson, Rick Grimes, The Governor, Michonne, and Rambo all rolled up into one while sporting a beard that would make those Duck Dynasty red necks bow down to me while admitting their unworthiness. That's basically where my mind stayed for about two months. I researched secret societies and started to curse the names of people with names like Rothschild, Bush, Ford, Rockefeller, Obama, and of course Miley "Chicken Ass Twerking" Cyrus.
In this time I flirted with anti-Semitism, anarchy, David Icke's stupid fucking rants about reptiles running the world, the New World Order, The Old World Order, Freemasons, Bilderburg's, the Illuminati etc. I searched reddit like a crack addict looking for another fix that would give me evidence of a draconian world take over of satan worshippers that solve the world's problems with gay male blood orgies while hoping to get a golden shower from a transsexual humanoid goat called Blasphomet. I felt like everyone was in on it and that someone would be slipping ricin in with my Venti Iced double shot coffee purchased at my local Starbucks at any given time. In other words I was Mel Gibson.
I started ranting and raving online about how humanity had been getting slipped subliminal ruphenol since the start of civilization. The funny thing was that there were people that started following what I was saying and they were crazier than me. Let that sink in for a second if you have ever met me in real life or have read anything I have ever written. I mean I KNOW that I am nuts and for all intents and purposes I'm someone that could be placed in a loony bin if I ever did anything stupid. I know this which is why I don't do anything stupid. It's also why I say the things I do online so that there is no way I could act on them and get away with it because I would be leaving a paper trail. In a way it is a defense mechanism for myself from myself. You read that right I conspire against myself to protect myself. Have a mind like mine and you'll understand what I am talking about. I mean where do you think I came up with the title of this blog?
After enough time of banging my head on the Operation: Northwoods brick wall I came to an epiphany that I had been trying to deny from myself for awhile due to the unsavory taste it leaves with someone even as intelligent as myself. It was a truth I have now had to accept as it slid down my throat in all its bitter flavor that can only be found from the dish that is humble pie. After begrudgingly digesting this truth I came to realize something else. This truth wasn't something that applied to me but to everyone; to "the people". For you conspiracy theorists that had your Google reticules locked on anything conspiracy or secret society related I have discovered that this truth also pertains to this whole "all-knowing" secret that secret societies claim to have. It's that little fucking carrot that you feel has been dangling in front of you this entire time. It's also for you people that feel like you are held down by "the man". With that said allow me to tell you the BIG secret:
Are you ready?
Have you bookmarked this page for future reference?
Are you ready for that proverbial "red pill"?
OK-----Here's the secret:
THE People---Are-----Fucking------GULLIBLE!!!!!!!! THERE IS NO SECRET KNOWLEDGE!!!!!
Do you conspiracy theorists, Libertarians, "free-thinkers", Occupiers, Feminists, etc. realize that your logic is about as sound as Hitler's, or Stalin's, or Mao Zedong's? Do you not realize that the very system you fear being imprisoned in is the same train of thought that you are imprisoning yourself with? You claim to be fighting the system yet all you are doing is empowering those very same systems. It's like getting pissed at your dog for pissing on the rug, yelling and screaming at it for 5 minutes, then giving it a treat. All you are letting your beloved pet now is that Daddy is fucking nuts but will give me a treat if I piss on his rug. In other words you are a fucking idiot because you are rewarding negative behavior. I mean why do you think we have so many idiotic nut jobs in our government now? Why do you think the Tea Party took 17% of the government hostage over a health care act that shouldn't even need to exist in the first place? It's not because our country is going to hell. It's because our country is getting on the short bus and going to special ed. You jerkoffs give them power by acknowledging they even have power over anything. They are not gods. They are human beings just like you, me, and even Dick Cheney even though he has enough mechanical parts to be the subject of an Isaac Asimov novel.
Now don't get me wrong there have been many conspiracies and false-flags throughout history and even history itself isn't exactly accurate the way it is taught to us in our schools. Our government is by no means a group of alter boys or saints. Then again I'm pretty sure you have your own skeletons in your own closet that have affected the lives of those around you. Imagine yourself having a much more lucrative career that comes with a exponentially more power and lets see how altruistic you would be. Long story short you would probably become some draconian tea bagging power hungry douchebag just like them because power corrupts and our country is very powerful. You know how I know that? Ever seen a family of Native Americans walking around at the park walking the dog? Ever see an old Japanese fellow from Hiroshima talking about a peculiar August day back in 1945? Do you see a British flag flying outside of your local courthouse or police station? You want to know why? It's because our government is very, very, very good at killing people that it wants to kill and will do it when it wants to. I mean our country is so powerful that it took a near conflict with another powerful country, the Soviet Union (Russia), over Cuba that nearly started a Nuclear War that made our governments realize that maybe this whole nuclear bomb thing wasn't all milk and honey after all.
With that said I could go on and on about how conspiracy theorists like Alex Jones are full of shit but I don't need to. The evidence already there. Think about it. Our government is great at killing people. It will kill people that they feel are a threat to their interests. Everyone of these libertarian nut jobs that follow Alex Jones are missing one very huge ingredient that blows all of his theories about a tyrannical government takeover out of the water. It's very simple and it's right there. I even went to his website see when his most recent article was posted (October 26, 2013) with a video of him ranting and raving about the government wanting to take his guns. I saw the proof right there to confirm my evidence:
ALEX JONES IS STILL LIVING AND BREATHING OUT OF HIS FAT FUCKING GUN HUGGING ASS!!!!!
Do you honestly think if Alex Jones had some inside sources that was leaking information that could be catastrophic to the government in the hands of someone like Alex Jones that he would be allowed to live? Don't you think he would go on a vacation to whatever lovely locale that Jimmy Hoffa went to? His fat fucking wanna-be Rush Limbaugh ass would be crammed into an cement oil drum (or probably three given his body mass) at the bottom of the Mariana Trench. Now he isn't completely dumb and already has a line of propaganda prepared for such a line of logic. He always claims that they don't go after him because he "stays in the spotlight". Now this might sound concrete if you watch too many movies and think that assassins wouldn't take out a target in plain sight of other people. I would also say you are a moron that watches too many movies. If you were a government contracted killer you wouldn't exactly be able to walk into his studio an put a hollow point through his head but you wouldn't have to in order to kill him. You would have to make it look like an accident or the result of natural causes. Now remember he is a fat person and what is the number one killer of fat people of anyone in this country that has taken in too many calories? Heart disease which brings on heart attacks. Here's a video to give you an idea of where I am going with this (watch from the 4:45 mark if you are pressed for time):
That's right. If a government assassin wanted to kill Alex Jones all he or she would have to do is go to one of his fucking rallies, get close to him, slip him some cyanide, and Mr. Jones dies in a way that is above suspicion because it looks to be from natural causes in the form of a heart attack and since he would be taken to a government funded hospital any evidence to shoot holes in their story would be covered up. Alex Jones would have died of a heart attack like a lot of dumb fat fucks do; as far as the people could prove. Lo and behold Alex Jones is still alive pushing out his next theory of how the government wants to take our guns with his sentimental tampon dipped fear mongering. Speaking of fear mongering here is another pictures of another douchebag whom has used the right-wing tactic of fear mongering to instill fear in the people for his political agendas; just like the Tea Party does:
Long story short Alex Jones is no savior of humanity. He is a Tea Party tea bag hugging nut job just like John Boehner. These are the same guys that are allowed to get their pockets lined by corporations for doing the bidding of their lobbyists. That is why they want try to paint Obama as the next coming of the fellow with the peculiar mustache above. That is the best they can do to discredit someone whom really has no power in the first place. That is why they rant and rave about Operation: Fast and Furious even though it was an gun running operation to track Mexican drug lords started under the Bush administration. Don't get me wrong; Obama is not a saint either. No politician is and no government is. Here's the secret about government in regards to the people; no person in the history of humanity has liked their government or even the very idea of government since its inception; except for those who benefit from it. That has been the behavior any human being towards it except for the wealthy whom are exempt from their power which in reality is just an extension of the power of the wealthy. Alex Jones makes it seem like this is something new. It's not; Governments have always been the tools of those that can buy them out anytime they please. In reality the government is nothing more than a glorified bouncer in a bar that we call America. It's a corporation and the government is it's security which is paid very well. It's the same reason why the Saudi's have our military go to Iraq and Afghanistan. We do the Saudi's dirty work in exchange for oil.
"Oh I'm broke and my left nut hurts; it must be the governments fault via some conspiracy."-random American male jerk off who sucks at life. That is basically what every right wing conspiracy theory boils down to. Every tea party jerk off feels as though a President from a left wing ideology and democratically controlled senate is a major threat to their nation and they think that they are going to take their guns, i.e. their balls. That's because without guns these people have no balls. Here's a scene from Snatch to illustrate my point. You can guess who represents who:
The bottom line is the goal of the Tea Party is to incite panic. That's where Libertarians come in. Libertarians instill fear in the people of the American government in order in order to control the people just like they accuse the government of doing. They have no use except for freaking people the fuck out and causing mass confusion to keep people divided; just like how they accuse left wingers of doing it. That's where I come in. I'm going to die someday. I've accepted it mainly due to the fact that I have had to experience tragedy in my life and I got sick of thinking like a victim. Now I try to gain an esoteric perspective of things while keeping it empirical. I inform in a way based on how I view things; just like everyone. Many accuse scientists and mathematicians of it to but they are aware of it and work to keep bias at negligible levels only measurable on the Planck scale. In reality at that level both sides are guilty of it because they are on the SAME side. The Business side.
This brings me too one of the more outstanding theories of what I will now call Mad Men of the Business party. I'll admit they do it in a manner that Don Draper would approve of.
FEMA Camps:
My personal favorite is how they talk about FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) camps and how they are going to be used as concentration camps for a Red, White, and Blue themed Holocaust. The way that Alex Jones explains it you would think that these camps and FEMA popped out of Satan's ball sack over night. You would also think that his information came from government whistle blowers and random rednecks who live near these FEMA camps. Well here is something many of you may not know but these camps have existed since 1979 when Jimmy Carter used Executive Order 12127 to activate FEMA and establish it as an independent agency. Those camps have been around since the Reagan administration and ironically left wing nut jobs were worried that they would be used to intern minorities of Latin descent during an American invasion of Nicaragua.
Now the big theory is that FEMA and DHS (Department of Homeland Security) will begin rounding up dissenters according to Red and Blue lists for a systematic genocide of Americans. First off that very theory alone should give you an idea of these idiots think. They then that our nation itself a gene pool or a race. That our nation itself is an organism and we are all individual strains of DNA for this genome that we call "Murica. Quite a eugenic perspective don't you think? They think that dissenting 'Muricans will be rounded up and taken to these camps to be systematically murdered by the tens of millions in a fashion that would make Hitler, Stalin, or Mao Zedong proud. My question would be which 'Muricans would be getting rounded up? Since technically our economy would take a massive hit in such an instance since you kind of need a consumer base in order to keep an economy rolling. You know the economy that made all of these jerk offs rich in the first place? It would be lousy business at best. That's why tobacco companies are so rich since they figured out how to hook and grow their consumer base while killing them slowly over a period of decades. Tobacco has killed over 440,000 Americans every year while making the heads of these companies billions of revenue. That's why tobacco is legal despite being so lethal. The same goes for alcohol.
Why the fuck would the United States government basically declare war on humanity by blatantly murdering people outright? Here's another statistic: 37, 485. That's the amount of people that were killed from prescription drug overdoses in 2009 alone. That's more than from car accidents that year. The genocide of Americans that everyone is worried about has been been around for a long time because that's how America does it's genocide; discreetly. The last thing it would do is risk itself by revealing that nature in a systematic reign of terror. That's why Germany is the butt of every joke regarding genocide even though Stalin killed more of his own people than Hitler and Mao Zedong killed more than both of them combined. It's also why the genocide of Native Americans is hardly ever mentioned in these discussions. I mean when was the last time you saw Jessie Jackson's bigoted racist ass pleading for the rights of the Sioux. Why do you think Abraham Lincoln is praised as a hero of human rights even though he signed of on the slaughter of the Sioux for the all too lovely American imperialistic endeavor of Manifest Destiny? That genocide you fear already happened centuries ago. Before Columbus arrived the consensus estimated population of Native Americans was around 50 million. Today it's 2.4 millions. That's after the worldwide population has surged past the 7+ billion where it stands today. That means our government killed so many of them that they just now come close to accounting for 1% of the US population. Hitler himself even said he modeled his system after what the Americans did to Native Americans never mind having been funded by businessmen that carried family names like Bush, Rockefeller, and Rothschild. In a way America is just as guilty for the Holocaust as the ones that administered the Zykklon-B pellets.
That's why you don't have to fear being rounded up because our government only cooperates in mass murder on those viewed as undesirable since they aren't the ones buying their product. You, "The People", on the other hand are their customers. Killing you quickly means less money they can milk out of you. As long as you aren't a threat to their money they will not bother you. Alex Jones is not a threat to their money, if anything he is a benefit to their money since it gives more ammo to gun lobbyists and their republican puppets whom are looking to line their pockets more and more. Plus the other big thing is that if the government were planning some mass extermination and Alex Jones got hold of such information then he would have been killed as I said before.
So why do so many people buy into these theories? It's for two reasons:
1. The internet has allowed mass amounts of information including declassified government documents such as Operation: Northwoods to be a few key strokes away so that anyone with an internet connection can suddenly be an expert on all things conspiracy related.
2. The people are stupid and will believe anything that falls within their cognitive dissonance while inflating their optimism bias. I have been guilty of this myself at times.
Today we live in a flood on information and our people are coming to a realization. Our government is not the benevolent all seeing, all knowing super heroes that we have been led to believe since adolescence. This has led to a backlash where most view them as the greatest tyrant in the world's history and they very well might be. However, they have not been the only genocidal tyrants of history. Just about every major empire that has existed came to prosperity for doing some very awful things and our country is no different. We just happen to live in a country where we are the "exceptional" ones. The online induced history is nothing more than a result of the people's hubris. That's why when some activist or actor or some internet troll wants to whine about "the people" my response is, "fuck the people". Fuck them in their bloated, deep-fried, double cheese burger, low price seeking, brand name flashing, contact sport carrot waxing, assholes. The people are fucking stupid and don't realize that they are the source of the own problems because they perpetuate these problems by making the government seem more powerful than it really is. Acknowledging our government gives it power. Acknowledging corporate monopolies by paying for their services just makes them more powerful because you are paying their bills. I work in a gym and members might bitch about the prices but they knew about the rates before they signed the contract. The gym owners still get paid regardless.
Take Verizon for instance. People bitch about data usage fees and back doors in droid operating systems that allow for NSA spying software to latch in and horde metadata. Do these people switch to a different carrier? Do they read their user agreements before signing them? No, they just bitch and moan while they fork over their cash to keep their service up to date. It's the same with the Anonymous hacktivist group. They crash government websites that serve no vital function in their day to day operations while their followers hop for joy while knocking Mountain Dew all over their keyboards. It's fucking retarded. What have you people won other than something else to stroke your ego with while not bringing about any real change? All these people do, along with those of the Occupy Movement is bitch and complain. Anonymous likes to protest as well while wearing Guy Fawkes masks which is pretty funny considering that a portion of the sales of those masks goes to Warner Bros. They empower the very "beast" the seek to slay. It's stupid, they are stupid, and anyone that bitches and moans like them without offering solutions that can make the world a better and less malicious place is fucking stupid. Fuck the people.
The man is not holding you down. That's a victims mentality which further exacerbates the issue. The man gives you what you want. You love sugary carbonated drinks, explosions in movies, celebrities ball room dancing on TV, Simon Cowell rightfully crushing the dreams of simpletons, and the neutering of Al Bundy. The people bitch and moan about "The Man" all day but in reality the people hold "the man" up. If you want to bring about real change then stop holding the man up and just drop him. Don't even acknowledge his existence. Treat like a bum that you say should work for their money just like everyone else even though they do and they are just very good at taking advantage of your gullibility. That's why they are rich and you bitch about it on Twatter through your iPhone while they laugh their asses all the way to the bank. I'm not saying it's right. It's stupid on both sides. The only difference is that they are aware of your stupidity and you are not.
I dislike the government and the corporations that feed them but I dislike the people even more. Fuck the people. Fuck them. Fuck 'em. With that said I have some ideas in order to help the failed walking bags of flesh that I call present day humanity:
1. Read shit before you sign it:
This one is quite simple and should be a no-brainer but if you have looked around lately we live in a society of no brainers. The only thing that keeps them from being a zombie is the fact that they haven't turned cannibalistic and a bullet to the heart would drop them like a rock. So with that said read anything that requires a signature on your part because technically anything on that paper or tablet you are agreeing to. For all you know you could be agreeing to be the main attraction of a bestiality flick that involves bukkake and farm animals (If you don't know what bukkake is then feel free to take a moment to Google it. You'll have to turn off the search filter since bukkake isn't exactly safe for work).
2.Stop eating fast food:
I know, I know. You have a hectic schedule, you work two jobs, you have a family to take care of and you don't have time to eat healthy. All I can say is you are an idiot and a lousy parent. Now before you go ranting and raving on the comments section about how I don't know shit you might want to keep reading.
Do you really want your kids to learn that all that is needed make ones health a secondary option is to come up with an excuse? Do you really want to have them watch you die of a heart attack in your 50's? Then stop making excuses. You have a schedule. Plan your meals around it so that you can eat healthier while not lining the pockets of people that laugh on the way to the bank and are indifferent as to whether you have a heart attack or not. Never mind all the fructose that makes the hunger centers of your brain act more insatiable Lisa Sparxxx at the BET Awards which goes into most of their products.
3. Read books and anything else you can find:
Want to how I even got the information that I put on this page for your curious eyes to read? It's because I read, a lot. I read everything that I can get my hands on. I try to soak up every bit of information that I come across. After reading it I let it rattle around my head and compare it to the other information in my head to see if any anomalies or ideas pop up. I also use a healthy amount of skepticism to filter through the garbage. This brings me to....
4. Understand the meaning of what you are reading:
This can also be called learning to read in between the lines. Basically if all you do is retain the information you read without picking up on the themes, analogies, symbolism, patterns, etc then you are nothing more than a walking bag of flesh with an organic hard drive surrounded by bone and mucus lining. You'll probably do fine on Jeopardy but good luck figuring shit out or coming up with any original ideas or solutions. Some tend to call it over thinking things now a days, but I call it not taking things at face value. You shouldn't either. Everything has underlying meanings hidden right in front of your face. All that's needed to decipher them is a healthy dose of curiosity. Curiosity did kill the cat but whomever said it probably got killed while being a sitting duck probably while shitting himself.
5. Stop repeating shit that other people say:
Are you a parrot? Are you only good for defecating the shit you take in in exchange for crackers? if no then stop fucking acting like it. Come up with something original even if you don't think it is entertaining or enlightening. I'll say things that I think are funny that no one gets and then I'll say things that I think are stupid, on purpose, and I get laughs or people look at me like I'm the second coming of Plato. What that means is that I'm smarter than the people around me because I'll say things that are original as far as I know. That's how you can become smarter while making those around you smarter. It's called leading by example. Stop being a fucking pussy and speak your mind. You'll learn something and so will the people that here you. That's how intellectual evolution starts.
These are just a few ways you can make your world, and my world, and everyone else's world better. Everyone says we should do things for the people but how can we do that when most of the people don't even know what being human is anymore? Find your humanity and share it with the world so others can find theirs. Maybe then people will know the difference between people and corporations.
For those that haven't seen Captain Phillips yet, and it isn't out so you haven't, allow me to spoil the movie for you.
1.Tom Hanks is playing some real life bitch named Captain Phillips on a Maersk ship. It's a bitch playing a bitch.
2. Some Somali pirates on another boat notice the Maersk ship and decide to get all thug nasty with their AK47's to get dat bling bling which might be the cure for AIDS in Somalia. It worked for Magic Johnson
3.The pirates board the ship which is when everyone starts acting like a little bitch along with Captian Phillips played by Tom Hanks which isn't too much of an artistic stretch for him. Tom Hanks will not be in the Expendables ever.
4.Eventually the military comes in and of course they call SEAL Team Six because they are like the Harlem Globetrotters of the Special Ops world and can cut the balls off of an ant from a mile out with ear muffs.
5. Eventually one of the pirates realizes that SEAL Team 6 is military talk for "Shit just got real" and takes Phillips to an armored life boat that looks like an orange dildo for a blue whale.
6. The pirate gets shot in the head by the sniper, Captain Phillips soils himself, roll credits.
In the course of human existence one must remove the shackles of tyranny when those shackles become so much of a burden that they become a threat one's life and well being. This removal of tyranny must be achieved whether with the desired method of peaceful resolution, if the tyrants are reasonable individuals, or by force if they are not. This is the power and right that the people of this Earth as well as all beings of this Universe have and must exercise. This power is given to them from whatever they consider their origins to be.
The people hold that there are certain agreed upon truths that we can all agree on and these are the basis for which any governance should be based on.
1. All intelligent beings have the right to shelter.
2. All beings have the right to sustenance and clean water.
3. All beings have the right to a transparent government without the existence of secret societies.
4. All beings have the right to unrestricted transactions of information without restrictions.
5. All beings have the right to dew empirical process for any alleged indiscretions that is seen as
restricting one's right to life and liberty.
6. All beings have the right to medical treatment and practitioners of medicine will be paid according to a method agreed on by the people and those practicing of medicine.
7. All beings have the right to full disclosure involving their interests.
8. Any organizations acting on "need to know" ideologies are a threat to life and should be treated as such.
9. Evolution on basis of freedom and transparency will only be subject to the laws of nature.
10. Beliefs will only be preached when asked upon by the people.
These are truths the people now pronounce as fundamental, innate rights that must be upheld above all others. Any individuals or organizations that are a threat to these rights traitors to the very foundations of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness and should face judgment by the people. Sentencing of these individuals should also be based on these truths in order to prevent the perpetuation of malignant ideals.
Humans are animals and very effective animals though dysfunctional at times. This is evident all around us. The fact that you can read my words is proof of this since the last time I checked no other animal on our planet understands the meaning of the written word. They don't even know what a word is since its not something that can be eaten. Dogs only pick up on spoken words because the realize the will be rewarded for it. Humans have learned how to manipulate it for the same reason. The manipulation of communication is what has lead to organized, dogmatic trains of thought which gave rise to the idea called government. An idea that thrives on secret societies and the very concept of secrecy itself. A concept that is the sanctuary of lies, deceit, malice, prejudice, and basically all suffering. It's a concept that frowns on the ideas of intellectuality, accountability, compassion, accountability, and most importantly; imagination and creativity. It is the very enemy of our own personal and individual evolution. For most it robs it from us in a highly sophisticated and subliminal manner. It robs of our innocence before we are even conceived.
This idea runs on the belief that a one size fits all approach control and direct human nature; like a rat in a maze, or a cow to a slaughter house, or bunch of people to a gas chamber that is labeled "shower". This idea is has been around since the days of Babylon. It was born from esoteric trains of thought; the concept of being on the outside looking in. Some would say this is trying to play god and they would be right. That is why some must attempt to project how it would feel to be subject to your choices. You must try to look both from the outside while feeling the inside. You think what is best for both sides of the coin only after putting yourself on both sides of the coin. This idea can be perverted though and it has been. The events of our time right now shows that is being used for engine that could very well lead to the death of our species. The funny thing is we are at point in our species' existence where thoughts like mine could make you a target of this engine. This is the engine that we call government and it only functions by running on energy. It focuses on energy that produced by death or as they call it; oil. Oil comes from living things and the ones used for petrochemical purposes comes the remains of fossilized living things. It comes from death itself; it very well is the blood of death itself. It runs the world even though it's no longer necessary.
It's funny when you look at it that way; government thrives off of the blood of death. Just look at all of the killing that the largest of governments will do for it. Wars and genocides have been committed for it. People give their lives for it. Tyrants have ruled because of it. Tears have been shed because of it. The world has been made savage because of it. Government believes that blood can be washed with blood. Government is blood thirsty and will provide any reason to quench its throat. It's a scary thing that makes us live in fear which allows it to control our lives. It's what makes us plug in so under the belief that we can be a child of Zion. Apparently the path to Zion is painted in blood. Sounds like a hell of a place doesn't it? Makes it seem like the type of place that could make your forget the horror you had seen before walking through its gate don't you think? Of course you would probably think that is the though of a psychopath. Welcome to government, enjoy your stay.
Our world is coming to where it is awakening to this fact. The people are starting to see that it is not working and needs to go. However, the method for removal is up for debate. Some preach violent revolution and upheaval. This is a stupid idea as it will only perpetuate the cycle that put our people in this predicament in the first place. Humanity has matured enough to the point that we can solve our problems without resorting to violence. Using violence to restore order will only perpetuate an order that operates on violence. Haven't we been violent enough for our history? Hasn't greed obviously shown itself to be a detriment to our well being? Can we finally grow up and take responsibility for our actions instead of sending psychos in business suits to do our bidding even though they do the opposite because they are just seeking out to carve a slice of the world for themselves?
I mean who else is sick of this machine or any of these machines for that matter? I'm sure Russian and Chinese people (as well as all others) that government does nothing more that perpetuate a system of terror in order to keep us in line while they suck us dry and not in a good way. They are like vampires minus the transparency. Instead of being violent and stooping to their level I say we just ignore them. We pay them no mind, we refuse to acknowledge them, we treat them like the stray rabid dogs that they are. Eventually they will succumb to their own disease and just die off. Let nature take its course and do the merciful thing. So them the same mercy that they show us and let them fend for themselves. They need us, we do not need them. We have only been programmed into thinking that we are needed. This is programming that can be undone if we choose to do it. This is the time to do it while the are struggling to keep their heads above water. Let nature take its course.
Many people feel that the world might be coming to an end. The Mayans predicted that 2012 as the end of the world as we know it and honestly it was. I see it as the end of a world consumed by the concept of secrecy which has been flaw of civilized society since its inception. Secret societies having plagued our people since for as long as human society has existed. It is what has inhibited our growth and made us feel that our progress must come at the cost of our personal and intellectual freedom. This system of secret societies for the longest time have put up fronts of being enlightened or having forbidden knowledge that one must corrupt their morals to gain. They would have you believe that morality is an illusion. However everything in our reality is an illusion so how does morality become something trivial by comparison?
In the years leading up to 2012 these secret societies had an advantage over the rest of humanity that yearned for a free and open society in the form of the flow of information being regulated by primitive communications. Then the internet came around and those that understood it realized that the world become much smaller and sovereignty now took on a global meaning. Nation and state became nothing more than labels instead of something that we identified on a human level. Humans now had the ability to be human in the sense that it had evolved to be. This signaled to beginning of the end of secrecy. Something that John F. Kennedy acknowledged as being repugnant.
This is why the representatives of these secret societies, i.e. government officials, have been taking such drastic measures and honestly losing their minds as they try to control something they could not foresee as becoming as powerful as it has become. The internet gives everyone a voice whether its a high ranking politician or some 16 year old on computer in study hall. Some say that this makes the world democratic but I disagree because democracy is flawed in the fact that it eventually decays into tyranny like our society appears to be doing.
However tyranny does not last forever and tyrants eventually imprison themselves as result of their actions. This train of doctrine had a beginning and it will have an end. I think we are in the age of witnessing that end as humans no longer need government in order to act in a responsible fashion. The sharing of ideas is no longer regulated. There is no more red tape and like any tyrant they refuse to allow their antiquated trains of thought to die peacefully with whatever dignity it has left. This can be the beginning of a new age of peace. One based on truth and not lies which is something humanity has never tried before. Truths will come out that will be hard to swallow but we must accept them without giving into malice so that we can evolve in a healthier direction as a society because if these tyrants are allowed to get the better of us then we will go down with them.
Everyone on here is probably well aware of my distrust of the United States government and the police state for which it stands that is well funded by corrupt corporate CEOs and the Federal Reserve as well as international banking cartels that operate on a system of lies, deceit, murder, prejudice, media manipulation, and pretty much else anything that good parenting would tell you were moral follies at best and outright injustices in reality. This is the government that we as a people have voted for and pay taxes for. That pretty much says something about the intellectual state of our people at the moment. While Miley Cyrus is getting attention for grinding her bone thin ass on Robin Thicke's CIA-Trained Syrian rebels are lacing targets in Syria for US Military airstrikes that seem to be more and more of an inevitability. This is much to the chagrin of Russia and China who just happen to be the other highly industrialized countries that also happen to have shit loads of nuclear weapons with warmongers on both sides yearning to use them so that they can jerk off to the mushroom clouds and the sights of charred corpses that would stream in on government controlled media.
Most American Nationalists would be glad to see the sight of Republicans like John McCain and Lindsey Graham actually being on board with a plan to strike Syria, but this is a result of residual brain washing from growing up in a post-Kennedy era of America where brain with public schooling being it's brush of choice. For those that can read in between the lines such cooperation should be ominous to say the least aside from the fact of both parties agreeing to bomb a nation based on circumstantial evidence that wouldn't hold up in a courtroom north of the mason Dixon line. I'm not saying that Assad is either innocent or guilty based on what I have seen so far, but that is what dew process is designed for. You are supposed to collect evidence, infer meaning, make sure there hasn't been any tampering of the evidence (which would be evidence of wrong doing in itself), and come to an educated conclusion before any course of action is taken. For the sake of argument lets go ahead and assume that Assad did in fact carry out a large scale attack on his own people using rockets armed with Sarin gas which is certainly a possibility given the fact that Assad has the capability of doing so.
If the evidence has shown that there is probable cause to suspect that Assad had a direct hand in ordering mass murder then it should be handled like any case of murder. Assad would need to be captured in order to face the charges in front of an international war crimes tribunal on charges of crimes against humanity like any murder is. A trial should be carried out where both the prosecution and defense should be able to present their evidence and the argue the details of it with the inclusion of witness testimony. After both sides make their closing arguments the tribunal comes to an educate decision based on if there is any credible doubt to the guilt of the defendant and then come to a decision of Assad's guilt or innocence. This the democratic way of handling such cases and the way it should be even if American seems to be pushing for punishment without empirical evidence to justify it. This is an alarming habit that has gone on for way too long and why our country is so polarizing in regards to global perception since we as a people bring it upon ourselves with our votes. We vote for individuals whom argue interpretations of the same ideology that is taken way too literally just like other ideologies that they preach except when it comes to a violent conflict that can be profitable to both sides.
That's really what this whole Syria situation comes down to is; money. With a country and world in constant fear of how much capital one has war seems like something that is justifiable when it never truly is. There never really is a reason, just a want and an excuse. We forget that we are animals at times that has taken the art of malice to unprecedented levels of scientific precision and it has become a very lucrative business. It is also blood money since it is based on industries that build instruments of death and suffering. We seek to quell violence with the use of violence even when that violence isn't knocking on our doorstep and doesn't quell it even when it does. Most watching the Syria conflict have been living with the trauma that was instilled from September 11th, 2001. This gave us the idea that all middle eastern people are one reading of the Qua'Ran away from strapping a bomb to their chest and becoming a terrorist which has been true for a minority of the individuals that live in that region of the world. Most though are human beings like you and me that are just looking to get through life with some answers even they are illusory. Some of the truly bright ones just want to formulate some truly inspiring questions. With that said I have one. Should our country be the police of the world and is that what we are truly doing?
When you understand what a cop is they are truly nothing more than the a cog in the judicial wheel. Their job is to capture suspects and to put them into the system so that system can take it's course. A system is supposed to be blind and prosecute based on empirical evidence and witness testimony that is credible. That alone would mean that our only job as country that "polices" the world is to capture that suspected parties responsible so that they can face justice. Bombing a country based on circumstantial evidence is playing judge, jury, and executioner which is the will of a tyrant that is not concerned with the freedom of individuals; only with giving the illusion of it in order to justify its means. Is that what our country is coming to? The will of tyrants that have the funds to bank roll it? Is that what the legacy of our country will be and how it is remembered?
This is why I ask everyone that reads this the same thing that John F. Kennedy asked of us during his tenure as President before his life was ended tragically. I ask for your help as an United States citizen and a citizen of humanity at large to do something about this. I ask you to educate yourself and not take the word of your media and your politicians as gold standard. I ask that you look for truth yourself and come to your own conclusions. I ask that you start to think for yourself. I ask that you see people as human beings despite their labels. I ask that you learn to read in between the lines and to make your decisions based on that instead of what you are supposed to do. That is how we can correct this unfortunate course that our nation and species is heading towards; a dark one. It's not too late to fix this but that time is getting closer and will become a reality if we sit idly by and do nothing. I ask that you make your government know that you see through them and see their nature. Maybe if enough people put their voices out their then our tyrants will take notice and change their course as well.
So apparently white people were at it again during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards and by that I mean them stealing things from black people. First they stole their freedom for 400 years with the slave trade which evolved into Elvis Pressley stealing rock and roll from them and now we had Miley Cyrus's near anorexic ass stealing "twerking" which was basically the hip hop club equivalent of dirty dancing but with sexual innuendo that goes straight to the point. Yea, yea I know plenty of others have suffered such acts of kleptomania at the hands of the pale faces including other pale faced people, i.e. Irish, Jews, Catholics, Croatians, etc. but the point is now they aren't even trying to cover their tracks or even hide their shame about it. Or maybe that's because social media catches it in all of it's glory now.
Now like all creations of humanity it should be enjoyed by all citizens of it regardless of color, race, or gender. Just know that if you aren't qualified for it then you are going to look like an idiot. That is what brings me to the whole Miley Cyrus "twerking" fiasco which I learned about on Twitter since Breaking Bad was on and I would rather watch Walter White manipulate egocentric Mexicans and white people instead of another glorified awards show with teenager girls screaming and having their first menstrual cycles at the sight of Justin Timberlake. However, upon checking up on the world of social media everyone was complaining about how Miley Cyrus was the worst thing to happen to popular music which is kind of redundant given the shit that comes out of the pop industry where most of the artists are about as skilled artistically as the Insane Clown Posse. Here's the image that has caused all of this buzz:
Most would find this shocking especially considering the fact that it's Robin Thicke wearing a glorified old school prison jumpsuit and Miley is two years past being legal so the statutory rape innuendo should be obvious but I don't even have a problem with that. My problem is the same as anyone that has slept with women other than white girls and realizes how white girls now a days are trying to be more and more like black girls which is fine too and hopefully they will learn other skills in the sack besides just laying there. With that said my wanna-be ghetto-ish cracka honeys, allow me to explain something to you through photos.
This isn't twerk worthy:
THIS is twerk worthy:
This is not:
THIS is:
And THIS is one of white girl that is:
and this is a meme comparing Miley's ass to a raw chicken:
Starting to get the point? Notice the how the asses on the women whom are twerk worthy look like two Christmas dinner hams slammed together? Notice how the ones that aren't look flatter than the Bonneville Salt Flats? The reason is that women that are twerk worthy have this thing called curves especially when it comes to their backsides. Twerk worthy women have asses while ones that aren't have butts. Ladies, if you want to twerk your ass like a male peacock flashing it's feathers while getting crunk in da club then please have tail feathers worth flashing. If you don't then please start doing squats and lunges or some sort of leg workout as those are the ones that will take your ass from being flat as plywood to being bubbly and booty-licious so you can land yourself a celebrity or a pro athlete or just a real man in general.
Ever wonder why twerking was even conceived by ladies with big ole delicious rumps? It's because they wanted a real man that knows what to do with it. That's why you always see these skinny no ass Barbie dolls that are clueless in the sack can be seen hanging out with wanna-be lawyer frat boy types because they wouldn't even know to tear up a glazed doughnut from Krispy Kreme even if they had the tools do it with which allows them to get away with their utterly naïve natre. Real men like something to grab on to because they actually like to please a woman and work that ass over like it owes it money while said females can reciprocate in kind. Being as I am the compassionate type I have supplied a workout and diet regimen to make that ass something that is B.E.T. worthy:
This workout should be incorporated into your usual fitness routine and done twice a week. It only covers legs but if you want to work that upper body and abs then those workouts can be worked in with this one. All will be done in a drop set style which means you start with the heaviest weight you can comfortably move and moving down in weight as the weight becomes too much:
Exercise #1: Barbell squats
If a 45lb barbell is the most you can manage then just do 3ets to failure with 1 minutes rest in between but if you can do more then proceed to the steps below.
1. 5 reps at the heaviest weight that is comfortable
2. drop the weight by 40% and do 5 more reps
3. repeat step 2
4. Rest 1 minute then repeat steps 1-3 for 2 more sets
Exercise #2: one-legged leg press
If you have been in the gym then you have more than likely noticed the leg press which looks like the picture above or something like a miniature rock smasher. Just like before if you can only do the minimum weight then do 3 sets of reps to failure with 1 minute rest in between. If you can go up in weight then do so and repeat the same steps as you did with the barbell squats.
Exercise #3: barbell lunges
With these you will do 3 drop sets of 15 reps adjust the weight accordingly to do the reps without sacrificing your or if you can't handle the weight then do 3 sets to failure with 1 minute rest in between.
Exercise #4: Box Jumps
With these you are going to do 3 sets of 20 as this is designed to burn those glutes out so they can come back bigger, stronger, and more bubbly to get you closer to twerk worthy glory. Once done allow yourself three days rest to recover and then do the routine again. As the weight becomes easier then increase it accordingly. That covers the exercise portion. Now onto the diet.
The Diet:
Instead of coming up with a detailed diet plan I am just going to list foods that I have noticed that tends to work in adding lean mass which is the goal of making any backside worthy of shaking it like yo gonna break it.
-steak
-chicken (not fried)
-fish
-pork (especially bacon)
-fruit
-veggies (especially green leafy ones)
-shell fish (if you aren't allergic)
-peanut butter
Notice that grains, dairy, or processed sugar are not listed but bacon and peanut butter is. This is because you want a healthy bodonkadonk but with a little fat on their for sake of it having that femine appeal. A twerk worthy ass should have a little jiggle too it so you can bounce a penny off of it. If you can't do that with your ass yet then these tips should help you get to that goal. With all that said ladies, go out and do the damn thing so that way the next time I see you trying to twerk it in the club I wont be confused about whether you are a skinny chick or a feminine looking guy from behind.
